S3, Ep. 8: Unlocking the Power of Epigenetics, feat. Cara Jean Wilson of Taking Cara Business

Layci (00:00.814)
Hello listeners and welcome back to Confessions of a Terrible Leader. I'm your host and former absolutely terrible leader, Lacey Nelson. Today we have a treat. We are gonna be talking about all kinds of neuro spicy facts, I'm sure. I would love to introduce you to none other than the amazing creator and CEO of Taking Care of Business, Kara.

Jean, why did I blink on your last name? Kara, what's your last name? Wilson? None other, sorry, Leaf, none other than the amazing Kara Jean Wilson. Kara, thank you so much for being here today.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (00:34.738)
Wilson.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (00:48.152)
I'm so excited. Thank you so much for letting me come on here with you.

Layci (00:51.986)
Absolutely. And we are partnering in many ways, which we're going to get into in a little bit. But before we jump into that, I would love to hear what is your expertise, your specialty, because you have an absolutely fascinating to me skill set and truly fascinating. I've never heard seen anyone listen to you talk about what you talk about and not immediately just be sucked in and engaged.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (00:59.72)
user.

Layci (01:21.868)
So enlighten our audience here. What is your area of expertise? How do you describe how you help people thrive?

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (01:30.994)
wow, that's a great question. Okay, what is my area of expertise if I'm describing it? So it sounds tongue in cheek, but it is the CARA method. So it really is this process. It's understanding. It's the CARA method, is technically emotional intelligence, accountability, and epigenetics. But when you say emotional intelligence, accountability, and epigenetics, you go

Layci (01:56.524)
Right. Blank stares for days like what?

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (01:59.422)
They're it. Yeah, they're done. But it is, those things are so empowering. So really it is about re -empowering. It's leadership 101. It's about re -empowering people to handle their own hot mess with tools and skills and mindsets so they can take that and leverage that when they're working with other people so they don't have to work so hard. So they can accomplish more by doing less, which is always the goal.

Layci (02:24.034)
Yes, because I know myself had to learn from you what this meant. Emotional intelligence, I think we're familiar. We've all heard that term. Accountability, we probably have all heard that term. Epigenetics though, sister. Help me out. Yes, what is?

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (02:37.779)
Ha ha ha

Epigenetics is the science that proves the power of positive thinking, which sounds really woo -woo, but it is the space that has collapsed woo -woo and science together. So genetics, we'll start at the base level, right? So genetics, everybody knows that mom and dad came together and they mixed up their genetics and ta -da, now I have curly hair, I have cheekbones, I have your whole body, your skin color, your hair color, your eye color. So much of who you are comes from that genetic mix. Now, previously,

Layci (02:51.074)
Mm -hmm. Yep.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (03:10.966)
believe that's it. Your parents came together, they mixed you up, and then you were born, and all of your brain was created, and all of the neurogenesis happened before you were born, and then you came out and you had that to work with. There you go. This is your blueprint. What epigenetics has discovered is that you can actually impact the activation of your genes in real

Layci (03:24.341)
Mm -hmm. Yep.

Layci (03:34.154)
Shut the front door. Tell me more.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (03:35.08)
for. So my favorite way to really not stupid this but like base level science it. If you imagine that your genetics is it's a code right and your body prints all of your proteins that make the meat soup that you live in and the hormone soup that pumps through it. There are these little tags on your genetics

Layci (03:52.994)
Mm -hmm.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (03:59.556)
on your DNA and the more tags you have the easier it is to see that and so it prints really clean protein like high level and then if there's less tags you get kind of a fuzzy print it's like a copy of a copy of a copy and it doesn't print out so well so those tags are essentially how you nurture your nature right so if

Layci (04:08.556)
Mm -hmm.

Layci (04:13.696)
You got it.

Layci (04:20.684)
Ooh, okay.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (04:24.318)
Fun science fact, it takes 20 seconds to birth a thought in your brain, a neuro baby. The genesis of a new neuron takes 20 seconds. So you think a thought. My favorite one to give people is everything works for me, right? So if you think, you just think everything works for me for 20 seconds, you'll birth this little life in your brain and not unlike a real baby, the more you nurture it, the more you feed it, the more you kiss it and love on it, the stronger and healthier it gets.

Layci (04:37.516)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Layci (04:50.1)
Mm -hmm. Yes.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (04:52.742)
And it will actually add little tags to your genetics so you start activating at the DNA level the reality that everything works for

Layci (05:06.086)
So when you say activating at the DNA level that everything works for me, does that mean like I can go out and buy a lottery ticket and I'm going to win? Or how does that look practically?

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (05:19.602)
So in a practical way that, I mean, you could, and that might work, but I'm not going to claim that as a consistent result, right? Like results may vary is one of those. But at an actual real life, what it does is it starts creating these neural pathways, which then integrate into the chemical reality of your body, which integrates into the protein development in your DNA. So in a practical reality, that looks like the first time you start doing it, it's like you pick up your pen, it's right where you left it. Well, everything works for

Layci (05:28.746)
Yes, yes.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (05:49.118)
And then 24 hours later, you are stuck in traffic and things are not like, like you need to get where you need to go, right? And you're like, okay, but everything works for me. And then you realize that because you were delayed by that light, you missed that traffic accident that happened in front of you. And then you're like, oh snap. And then a week later, you're like, everything works for me. Everything works for me. And you're like, I don't really believe in synchronicity. I don't really believe in fate.

Layci (05:56.432)
Mm -hmm.

Layci (06:05.802)
Mm -hmm, mm -hmm.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (06:15.538)
But it kind of feels magic how everything's just starting to line up like easy because you have started to look for, find and behave your way into a reality where everything works for you. And that starts to become your reality.

Layci (06:20.051)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Layci (06:30.478)
Got

Right, right. So this is probably reductive and a bit of an oversimplification, but it sounds like it's retraining your brain to reframe your experiences and the way that you're moving through this world instead of life sucks, why is everything so hard for me? Or maybe you're not quite on that, you know, opposite end of the spectrum. Maybe you're somewhere in the middle.

but this is a retrain where then you start subconsciously making decisions and moving through the world in a way that it's gonna reinforce that new belief that you formed about yourself and your reality. Is that accurate?

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (07:16.882)
And it, yes, and that re that behavior, that chemical reaction, the electrical reaction happening in your brain is what puts those tags on your genetics. So now when you have another little human, they have those tags. And the craziest part of epigenetics is that they can track it happening in real time. So they did this during the pandemic. So your choice to live that way for you will impact the people around you in real

Layci (07:26.037)
Okay.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (07:44.516)
It actually creates that energy which can then tag their DNA. So simply choose epigenetics has taught us scientifically that's just choosing to be happy for yourself for the very selfish reason of it makes me happy. In fact, activates happiness on a global

Layci (08:00.706)
Mm -hmm.

Layci (08:06.38)
Wow, that's powerful. Okay.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (08:08.958)
It's become like treads people do things on like epigenetics. Sorry. That's that's just an epigenetic

Layci (08:16.366)
Okay, okay, I'm taking this to my big picture self is making all these connections right now. Is this in worked in reverse, the same science that tells us trauma experiences can be passed down in our genetics? So it's the same science. Got it, okay. So that is, and for listeners, if you're like, what is Lacey talking about right now?

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (08:32.146)
Yes, that is how

Layci (08:46.466)
So they had carry you're the expert on this if I get this wrong, please correct me if I don't have the nuances, right? but basically if you look at the genetic code of people that are three four generations even removed from down the line in the ancestors from like example be if you look at you know, one of the most horrifically

awful experiences that we all know about the Holocaust. You look at the Holocaust and then you look at the people that lived through that horrendous time, the Jewish people that survived that time. Their ancestors are actually marked with, in their DNA, they process and experience the world differently because of the trauma that they never personally experienced.

maybe even never heard stories about because they don't talk about that. It's too painful, but yet it's still a reality living in their bodies. Like they have, is that accurate? Okay.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (09:50.694)
Yes, another example to so same same exact exact words you said, for example, in conquered nations. So in South America, South America has been conquered and then conquered again. Like we we we here in the States celebrate Cinco de Mayo, but that's one of their independence days. Right. Like not even one of the top ones, guys. Sorry to break that to you. But because they are a conquered people consistently throughout their genetic history,

Layci (10:02.988)
Yes.

Layci (10:08.755)
Right.

Ha ha.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (10:20.57)
One of the ways that manifest physically is when they talk, they talk like this and they don't really use their lips very much. Because if you're being observed by a conqueror and you're talking to your buddy, you might not want them to know what you are talking about. And you definitely don't even want them to know that you're talking sometimes. So the less that you can, the way that you can communicate changes because genetically we have been taught that you don't want observation.

Layci (10:26.755)
Mmm.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (10:49.98)
And so they don't use their mouth to

Layci (10:50.37)
Wow.

And it's not just social learning passed down. It's actually deeper than that. That's, mind blown. Okay, so cool. Yeah, yeah, it is so cool. And also so like.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (11:00.306)
Yeah, that's what we're learning.

Layci (11:14.294)
also rough because it adds a whole other dimension to the way that things exist in society today. what, because we're all about leading in the workplace, you and I both, we take this information about conquered nations, how in the heck do we apply this day to day in a work setting when we're leaders? What does this look like on the

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (11:17.576)
Yes.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (11:36.488)
So on the ground, really looks like modeling the behaviors that you want and why it really ties into why that is so important and why that is so impactful for everyone. I love that you use the term spectrum earlier, right? So neurodiversity is considered that a neurodiverse person's brain interprets information differently based on their experience. Epigenetics says, bro, that's everybody.

We're not diverse. just spicy. That's why I use the term neuro spicy because I reject divergent. That just doesn't logic my brain for me. And because of that modeling is so, so huge because what is obvious isn't obvious. And the more you choose to model the behaviors you want, the more not only are you impacting your own genetic makeup, but you are in fact, for example, walking into work and smiling.

Layci (12:02.221)
huh.

Layci (12:06.114)
Mm -hmm.

Layci (12:09.644)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Layci (12:18.252)
Right.

Layci (12:31.48)
Right. Yeah.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (12:31.592)
Hey guys, happy Friday. That simple act actually puts more happiness on Friday in your own genetic, but also tags out their DNA.

Layci (12:44.702)
Mmm, okay, okay.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (12:46.142)
So if that's true, the reverse is also if you come in, you're like, thank God, it's Friday. God, what a week, right?

Layci (12:52.972)
Yep. Yep.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (12:54.856)
That's what you're tagging yourself with. That's what you're tagging others with.

Layci (12:57.08)
gosh, okay. My neuro spicy brain's going crazy right now. what? What is, okay, this is totally random question. What is the role of social media in our world right now, given that these things are so true? What's the intersectionality of this in your opinion?

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (13:18.62)
Yeah. So a lot of it's a hundred percent. It's all about that self work, right? Hashtag leadership starts with the person in the mirror, right? And that's it. So if you're going onto social media, scientifically, physiologically, it's been tested over and over again. You can think about doing something and accomplish body understanding of it simply by watching. For example, one of my favorite studies is piano players. So they took two groups and they split

Layci (13:26.23)
Yep, yep.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (13:47.622)
And one group of piano players got to, they sat at the computer at the piano and they thought about practicing the music. They visualized their body doing the movements. They visualized the keys moving. They really dove into it, but they didn't touch the piano. And then the other group physically practiced and they did it for the same amount of time. And for the first week, first two weeks, they progressed at exactly the same rate.

Layci (14:04.034)
Mm -hmm.

Layci (14:16.41)
Wow.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (14:17.03)
And after that, as it started to diverge and you started to see the people who were physically practicing moving ahead faster, if you gave the people who had visualized it an hour or two hours of physical practice, they caught

So social media can do that same thing, good or bad. So on the upside, that means you can literally go watch workout videos for an hour every single day. And if you're visualizing yourself doing those moves, then in two weeks when you go and actually do the dance with them, you're more locked in and your body's like, I know this. And it responds faster and easier.

Layci (14:36.183)
rights.

Layci (14:50.766)
Mm

Layci (14:55.119)
yeah. Yeah.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (14:57.594)
Also, if you're going in there and comparing yourself and tearing yourself down because everybody else is just so amazing in their highlight reel and how can that compare to my behind the scenes?

Layci (15:05.216)
Right? Right. Yes. Yes. Yep. my gosh, this is so good. Okay. Okay. I, who, I'm going to say I am your, you know me pretty well, Kara. We are now working together on something. We're getting there. promise, crowd. We're almost there, but working together on something. I would, if I was your client,

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (15:11.14)
what you're putting in your... yeah.

Layci (15:34.198)
And I came to you and I said, know, truly just as myself, like, Kara, am, I'm so many plates are spinning right now. I'm feeling overwhelmed. I don't really know where to even start with myself to reel in some of that overwhelm. How would you guide

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (15:57.534)
It's going to sound so trite because the word is so overused, but it's self -care. 100 % of the time, so much of what epigenetic teaches us, what I do with the care method is taking these scripts that we have in our head and flipping them around, right? Because that's what it does. You literally have to start by creating the pathways in your brain so that you can do

Layci (16:04.524)
Mm -hmm.

Layci (16:14.242)
Mm

Layci (16:19.394)
Mm -hmm.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (16:21.328)
My experience is most of the time when people are experiencing overwhelm, it is because they put their business in front of themselves, they put their people in front of themselves, their family, their pets, literally everything else is more important than ourself. And interestingly enough, that leads to overwhelm because you've literally scheduled yourself out of your own life. No wonder it feels overwhelming. It's not even your life anymore.

Layci (16:46.803)
Mmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (16:53.15)
And so we flip the script, we use Pareto's principle and we take that 80 -20 rule, like 80%, and we apply that instead of it just being the mental work to deliver the tangibles of the 20%. Now it's you and your life, we have to schedule you back into your life 80%. We gotta work it up till you are 80 % of what you see on your calendar is you.

Layci (16:57.51)
Yep.

Layci (17:04.391)
-huh.

Layci (17:09.965)
Wow.

Layci (17:16.83)
Yeah, wow. I'm having a moment. Having a moment, yes. What, I would love you to share with our audience a little bit about your own personal background and why you're so passionate about this and why you can speak with wisdom.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (17:18.526)
Yeah, self -care. -huh, -huh, yeah.

Layci (17:38.334)
into people that are leading companies and executives and learning how to lead. How'd you get here? Because I don't think you probably started here.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (17:46.558)
Yeah, it's, in hindsight, like most things, the path is so, so clear. Living it was a hot mess, guys. Like, just know that. why am I so good at handling hot messes? Cause ha ha me! Ha ha ha! Yeah.

Layci (18:00.333)
Ha ha

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (18:03.42)
was, mean, really, really grim for this. When I was born, my dad was CEO of Citicorp, he the entire Pacific division. We lived in Redmond, Washington at the heart of the Microsoft. Boom. And I took my first dual certification at eight years old, because I wanted to do babysitting. So I got certified as a child care babysitter as well as in a CPR so that I was obvious choice.

Layci (18:21.793)
my gosh.

Layci (18:32.352)
I mean, of course you did. So, high achievers in your DNA.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (18:39.198)
And I was gifted this amazing family that I came from. like literally epigenetically speaking, my background leads towards this. And because of that, my dad was living this super successful CEO life of this major industry during the peak of its 80s and 90s hiring and hated

Layci (19:00.151)
Yep.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (19:03.634)
was miserable, was overwhelmed, was burnt out, was tired. His job was to fly around and fire people so that his headhunters and CFO could work together to hire the next person. And my dad's a really kind and gentle human being, so that was soul -crushing.

Layci (19:12.576)
Ugh.

Layci (19:17.386)
I bet. Gutting. Ugh.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (19:20.094)
So we quit the job, sold the house, moved into a 24 foot RV with me and my mom and dad and brother and sister, and we traveled Mexico for two years. Because why

Layci (19:29.23)
gosh. And you could because his his position allowed that because you could. But wow, what a total 180 for all of

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (19:31.484)
I mean, did, yeah, because we could. Yes.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (19:41.362)
Yes, yeah. So really in living my own life as I went back into the industries and I, I mean, I, I, I don't know how, at this point, how many times I had those beautiful golden handcuffs and were like, they're still handcuffs. And then having to relive this even in my own, just in the last four years in doing this as myself. So I was doing internal coaching for about a decade and then I made it the move to external and doing it privately.

Layci (19:43.937)
Okay.

Layci (19:53.26)
Yep.

Layci (20:11.0)
Mm -hmm.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (20:11.198)
And having knowing full well that I went into owning my own business for that freedom, for that time freedom, for that movement freedom, for that schedule freedom, and then still working 16 to 20 hours a day.

Layci (20:20.93)
Yep.

Layci (20:25.396)
Yeah,

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (20:27.39)
And then the epigenetics, the realization that's because that's the hustle cult that I brought with me. I took it into my business. So if I needed to succeed and I wanted that freedom, I had to cut my schedule. I had to shrink my available hours. So I had me available to me. And in doing that, I have doubled my income every single year.

Layci (20:35.757)
Yep.

Layci (20:45.078)
Yeah.

Layci (20:51.072)
wow. Wow.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (20:52.286)
And every year I cut back. So when I started, was at 20 hours a day. I'm at about 16 to 20 hours a week and scaling.

Layci (21:00.098)
Wow, yeah, literally living the dream. What we all think it's supposed to feel like, right? But you had to, it can, yeah. But most of us get there the hard way, the long route, or never at all, never at all. my gosh. So, okay, I'm gonna switch gears a little bit and talk about, before we ask you the question, talk about,

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (21:06.738)
Yes, yeah, because it can and you're right it should feel that way.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (21:17.597)
Yes.

Layci (21:29.42)
what we are doing together. And Kara has so amazingly agreed to, well, we have a lot of values alignment, which is the most important thing, clearly. I would say full values alignment. And with that full values alignment in what we do at the Transcend Leadership Collective and what she does and what the heart is of what she's doing and taking care of business, great opportunity to work together. Kara has

finished her heart first certification and she is our first official with your look at you she's doing the happy dance listeners. She is our first official heart first certified collective member. So what that means is Kara gets to bring her genius to and the beauty that she does to our clients under this shared umbrella of values and

She gets to really, when we do the subcontracting and the working together, she gets to deliver under our umbrella, but fully herself. Kara, I would love in your words, why did this make sense for you to be part of the collective? And if there's any other people that are thinking about, this something like, why would you do that when you're obviously a very successful solopreneur in your own right?

you were more than busy, why did you make the decision? You should say, excuse me, as busy as you want to be. Why should I, why did you make the decision that this made logical sense and that you were willing to take that risk? And even the risk of like sharing your own IP, intellectual property, why did you say yes?

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (23:23.678)
You already nailed it. It's the values. So it's, I call them the double V. If the double V is there, then that is a really powerful collaborative. That is hashtag leadership 102. Like that is how you start doing more with less, right? So not only did our values absolutely like value check, but also we passed the vibe check. And I think that both of those are really important. And we often forget that. Like we looked for that value alignment.

Layci (23:35.638)
Mm -hmm.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (23:52.594)
But values can be spoken and not necessarily lived.

Layci (23:57.404)
Yes, all the time they are, unfortunately. That is...

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (23:59.454)
I mean on the upside that's why we have jobs on the downside that's why we have jobs

Layci (24:04.896)
Right? Right. Exactly.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (24:10.332)
So the fact that I was able to witness in real time not only how energetically it felt just being around each other, but watching how you lived those values in real time showed me that you didn't just pass the value check, but you passed the vibe check. And when somebody passes value and vibe, I add into the tribe, what do I need to do to make sure we're supporting each other? Because that's how you move from fighting for that piece of pie to just becoming pie makers.

Layci (24:25.89)
Mm -hmm.

Layci (24:31.81)
Mm -hmm.

Layci (24:37.431)
Ugh.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (24:37.603)
there's one that has a pie left. You can have it. I'll make another one.

Layci (24:40.492)
Right, right. Thank you. And what a huge compliment. I was not fishing for that at all. But that is tremendous. I don't take it lightly or for granted. So thank you. It is one of my goals is to always align my actions with my values. And I'm glad that it seems to be least working for the most part. yeah, it

A lot of times when those of us that do this kind of work where we're consulting, where we're putting our own intellectual property, our ideas about how to do things out there into the world, there's a lot of resistance to partner. And a lot of times it is valid to resist. I know you and I both have had not great experiences in other relationships that have not ended so beautifully.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (25:27.71)
Yes.

Layci (25:38.092)
because there is often a, at least in I'll speak for my own experience, a lack of respect for the amount of skill it takes and knowledge for facilitation and application it takes to do this work. And it's not as simple as, we're gonna take your slide deck and do it ourselves now. Thanks, bye.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (26:08.19)
Yeah. Yes.

Layci (26:08.96)
And then not only does it tarnish the, it tarnishes the product, but people aren't getting the outcomes because the skill to get them to the outcomes is where the, if there's gonna be magic, that's where the magic's at. It's not in what's on the screen. And so the fact that you're trusting us to be partners, that we are committing to you

First of all, never use anything you create with us without you getting part of the pie, because we made it together. So, yes, we are so thrilled to have you on board. We're working on a really big project together already out of the gate and it's going well. So, so excited about that. And I can only imagine what's in store.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (26:40.861)
Hi, Makers.

Layci (27:01.772)
Like I feel like there's all these doors that are going to open that we can't even collectively see yet, but they're there. And as we're expanding listeners, wherever you're at, we're expanding, like we have clients all over the nation. So if you're listening to this from somewhere that isn't the Pacific Northwest and you're like, Hey, I want to get involved. Reach out, let us know. Mary, we'll put the link in the show notes of where to do that.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (27:07.699)
Yes.

Layci (27:30.946)
We are so excited to build this collective. Kara is one of our first three inaugural, which we will be interviewing all of them. And they're all as amazing as Kara. You guys are all phenomenally gifted, excellent at what you do, and a dream to work with. it is so exciting to see this collective part of the Transcend Leadership Collective really being born and put out into the world. So thank you. Thank you for trusting me enough.

to take the step and say, yeah, let's do this.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (28:04.35)
Well, thanks for creating a door I wanted to walk through.

Layci (28:07.648)
Absolutely, absolutely. All right, now it is confession time. The time to share with our audience what is the mistake, one of the, my gosh, that was terrible, pieces of your journey in leadership that you are willing to share with us today.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (28:34.066)
There's so many and I would share all of them because I am very transparent, but I have been thinking about this question and thinking about this question and the two that keep coming to my mind are only problems in hindsight. So at the time it was a challenge and I rose to it with the knowledge that I had and smoothed the situation, like was able to move through and navigate that to a conclusion that

Layci (28:54.828)
Yep.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (29:03.848)
I don't know that everybody was happy with, but everybody was content with, right? But in hindsight, now that I have learned about how the brain works, now I learned about my own spiciness, I was at that point not leaning into that and being truly authentic, which I think is why everyone felt content but not satisfied. So.

Layci (29:24.087)
Mmm.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (29:25.398)
The first, the one that keeps coming back to my mind is when I was working for Hops and Drops and I had started as a server, I helped them open one of their new restaurants and I'm ballsy, right? So like the first week, like we're not even seven days in, we haven't even officially opened the restaurant and I sat down and shook the CEO's hand and was like, someday you're gonna pay me a six figure income. I'm just letting you know it'll be within the next five years, what's gonna happen.

Layci (29:50.99)
Why is that so not surprise me at all?

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (29:52.382)
Right. Speaking of spicy. And he laughed, which was appropriate. But he, you know, also we did navigate that space later. So I was right too. And I had moved through the company, gone, opened the business and now moved into the, I had officially been promoted into a management position. And any time you do that in house, it comes with,

Layci (30:00.013)
Love

Layci (30:06.53)
There you go.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (30:21.954)
Unique challenges that you don't have to address when you are hiring externally. Hiring externally comes with its own set of scope of problems. This was an internal one. So coming from internal, I had very close relationships with some of my coworkers and then excellent working relationships with most of my coworkers. Because as a human being, I can work with anybody, but that doesn't mean I want to play with everybody.

Layci (30:41.26)
Mm -hmm.

Layci (30:45.944)
Yep.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (30:49.938)
But when you get promoted, that can create the perception of favoritism, right? It becomes this, you like them better than me. And while factually accurate, we're not taught to do that, right? So we're taught that at that point, then you have to make everybody feel equally special. And I bought into

Layci (30:56.918)
Yep.

Yep.

Yeah, right. Yes, I do. Right.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (31:16.068)
I was like, okay, that's my job. My job is now to make everybody feel equally as powerful and important and special in my life. So I had a teammate who came and pulled me and my manager in and said, I'm uncomfortable. She goes out and spends time with all of these other people outside of work, but we've never done that. And I didn't. I was not honest in the situation because

because I was trained not to be, right? I was trained to go, my goodness, I don't want you to feel put out that way. I do absolutely have different levels of different relationships with different people. And if you feel that we need to level up our relationship, how would you like that to look? She's like, well, can we go get our nails done together? I was like, yeah, sure. Let's go get our nail on my, my next appointment's on this day. Can you make that same time? She said, yes, we got our nails done. It was weird. I mean, we did it.

Layci (32:06.925)
Yeah.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (32:08.792)
and it happened and I think we both are realized at that point that's why it hadn't happened and probably doesn't need to happen again.

Layci (32:16.096)
Yes, yes.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (32:19.71)
we navigated through that, but in hindsight, if we could just be transparent in those situations and say, you're absolutely right. I don't do that with you. Also, you have never done that with me. Why did you not want to do that previously? Why now that I have a title is that important to

Layci (32:33.376)
Mm -hmm.

Layci (32:39.883)
Mm -hmm.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (32:40.37)
Because let's address and undress what's actually going on underneath this. Because we did, because what ended up happening is our relationship snowballed from that lie into further ones that caused tears on shift, that caused screaming matches in the office, that finally got to, you don't even like me that much. Why do you care? Is it only because I'm your boss and you want everyone?

Layci (32:45.213)
Mm -hmm

Layci (32:51.61)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (33:07.386)
else to feel like I like you that much? Because you don't like me that much. So why do you, why are we pretending? And when we did that, luckily it happened right before there was a traumatic situation in my life that actually at that point then brought it because we were actually able to be honest. And I'm talking like three years later, it's no, that was handled correctly. Like my bosses were so proud of me.

Layci (33:13.218)
Why is this so important to you? Yes, yes.

Layci (33:34.188)
-huh.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (33:36.572)
But that snowballed for years of our relationship and it didn't get unpacked until we were honest about

Layci (33:39.168)
Yeah. Yep.

Layci (33:44.14)
Yeah, yeah. And it, when you took the step and you were honest and you just had this conversation about you don't really like me either. Like, is, why is this so important to you? Was she able to have this self -awareness to say, because it is perception or, I mean, I'm assuming, but I could be wrong. Yeah.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (34:06.686)
Not in the moment. Yeah. And it was, it was 100 % that and not in the moment, not in the moment. It took saying it and letting it hit and there were tears and we had to pull another manager in and have a conversation. And then we were able to, but we were able to come back to it. You know, we kind of put a pin in it like, okay, we're all kind of triggered. We're definitely reacting to some emotions right now, not really in our frontal cortex talking space. So let's bring it back when

Layci (34:24.812)
Mm -hmm.

Yep.

Layci (34:32.332)
Yeah, yep.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (34:36.144)
a little bit calmer. And when we did, we were really was able to go, I so respect how you show up here at work. look at how I schedule you. Look at the positions that I put you in. I don't want to be your bestie. I don't want to be your drinking buddy. don't I don't that is not a space for our relationship. But do you see how tangibly I recognize the skills that you bring to this space? And in this space, you're one of my top

Layci (34:37.729)
Mm -hmm.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (35:05.5)
Now, once we leave the door, do we go out drinking? No, because you and I don't like each other that much. Let's I mean, we just it's the and it's not because either of us is wrong. We just have different values and different vibe. And that's allowed where we do where we do align girl like we locked in. And that is where we align here at work. And that is why you have these shifts. That is why you have this cloud. That is why I put you in this training position. That is why. And I didn't do

Layci (35:09.74)
Right, right.

Layci (35:16.492)
And that's okay.

Layci (35:22.839)
Yes.

Layci (35:33.73)
Right.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (35:34.18)
notice the girlfriend that I go drinking with almost every night, we don't, I don't put her in those positions because while I love her, like I could spend every day with her. Also, I know that she misaligns here in this building on different things. So she doesn't have the shifts that you have, but she's my best friend. And she went,

Layci (35:37.494)
Yeah. Yeah.

Layci (35:53.654)
Right, right.

Layci (35:58.42)
yeah, yeah, yeah. She didn't know, you had to point her to the evidence that you deeply valued her. And there was an assumption for a long time, probably, I'm assuming, making a jump, you assumed she was seeing that and why is she ignoring it? She's choosing to ignore it, but she really was blinded to it by her emotional state of like,

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (35:58.934)
no, I see that. Okay.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (36:11.239)
Yeah.

Layci (36:29.762)
This is, she needed that honesty and it took three years to get there. And I actually can't really believe you both made it three years. So without somebody leaving. So what advice do you have for yourself? Like how has that shaped the way you lead today when you are working with teens building groups? And I will note

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (36:34.598)
Yeah, it was weird. It was weird.

Literally, yeah.

Layci (36:57.194)
As a consultant, you're working with people all the time. You're building teams, you're building training teams. Sometimes they're short, sometimes they're long term. How has that impacted you today?

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (37:08.926)
It's part of the care method training. It is the, if we're talking about the heart method, right? So that is that honest communication. It is 100 % error on the side of transparency, especially when it's uncomfortable. I'm going to say that again. Error on the side of transparency, especially when it's

Layci (37:25.676)
Yes.

Layci (37:32.782)
Yes, yes. And it might, it's already uncomfortable. And my experience is it might actually make it more uncomfortable in the moment, but it's going to save you pain in the long run. And that is, if you put the effort in on the front end, you're gonna save yourself 10 times the pain and effort to clean up the mess that was created from three years of miscommunication or not.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (37:37.254)
She's already uncomfortable.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (37:44.776)
Yes.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (37:48.498)
Yeah, yeah. Every time, every time.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (38:01.763)
years.

Layci (38:02.766)
and having alignment on the back end, right? And I will say, three years does sound like a long time, but I walk into organizations where that kind of relationship has existed for 20 years or more at the C -suite. So it's a real thing. Oh my goodness. We do not get hired typically because every...

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (38:14.6)
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (38:21.852)
Yeah, yeah, that's usually why we get hired, right? Because they're sweeping it under the rug and then they trip on

Layci (38:28.278)
Right, it's not like, everything's really, really, really, really good here. Sometimes, sometimes, but typically, you know, people, people have, the people that tend to hire both of us are the organizations that have a really good heart, really good intentions, and they come to the realization that our impact is not in alignment with what the intentions are that we have for our people, and it hurts.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (38:33.886)
It's on me.

Layci (38:55.942)
and we got to do it differently, but we don't really know exactly how would you help us. And those are the best clients, the best. So, my gosh, Kara, this has been so amazing. You're brilliant. I love talking with you. I could just do this all day, but I know you're a very busy woman. I want to respect your time. What, where, if people are just like, my gosh, I need to learn more. Where can they find you? And we will link everything, but generally, where can they go to find you?

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (39:01.736)
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (39:24.214)
The two easiest places to connect and find out more is my website, taking cara business .com, C -A -R -A. And then on Facebook, I have a complimentary group on Facebook called Cara Corner, C -A -R -A Corner. And I do that, I do a Monday review every Monday and a weekly tie up every Friday, complimentary so

Layci (39:30.35)
Okay. Beautiful.

Layci (39:41.653)
So great.

Cara Jean - Taking CARA Business (39:50.706)
you can experience. My experience is the more you experience something, the easier it is to find out if there is a value and a vibe check, because if those don't exist, find someone who's worth more of your

Layci (39:53.334)
Yes!

Layci (40:00.055)
Right.

Layci (40:04.034)
a million percent, a million percent. Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for your time. I learned more today. I always learn every time I spend time with you. So thank you, thank you, thank you. And listeners, until next time, go manage like a leader.